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Tennessee Fried Chicken Rebuttal #1

Announcer: And now, the founder and owner of Tennessee Fried Chicken, Colonel Flanders.

Hello, I'm Colonel Flanders, founder and owner of my Tennessee Fried Chicken restaurant chain.

Annnouncer: I just said that.

We'll I'm sayin' it again! Now you be quiet!

I am appalled by my competetor, El Zono de Pollo, for their constant attacks on my restaurant food.

Their latest claim that my deep fried chicken can cause people to get heart attacks, strokes, and death, is totally false.

There are a few people who just plain eat too much bad food. They're the ones who were never told not to eat so much fast food at a time. TFC is not one of the restaurants that ever advocated eating an entire bucket of chicken in one meal several times a week.

As a matter of fact, TFC, unlike that crazy Mexican chicken chain, is doing its American patriotic duty for our troops. We're helping them win wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. How? We're supplying our enemies free deep fried chicken cooked in extra trans fatty grease. This is in order for more of our enemies to die sooner.

Furthermore, TFC is just as healthy as, well, a hamburger. Just one piece of our deep fried chicken breast has only 18 grams of saturated fat. 18 grams. That's all. Add in our world famous side orders of mashed potatoes, cole slaw, corn on the cob, and a dinner roll, and you have a meal.

At that crazy chicken place? They're the ones advocating eating a lot of their food in one meal. Those five grams of fat chicken breasts sure do add up fast. Eat just 20 in one meal and you've reached your limit!

And why does that company call itself El Zono de Pollo? It's incorrect Spanish. It should read La Zona de Pollo, or the Zone of Chicken. I'll bet you that it was named by someone who flunked high school Spanish!

Why has El Zono, that crazy un-American chicken place, spent so much time attacking us? Is it because that they're the new kids on the block who came from nowhere and decided to make an American institution a target?

At TFC, we've been doing chicken for over 50 years. The new guys? I don't know. Never heard of them until last year.

At TFC, our deep fryers are all vegetable and coconut oils. No beef, period. El Zono's? I don't know. They never say what they really marinate their chicken with. Do they have beef in them? Carne Asada juice I suppose? They won't say.

So come on over to today's TFC. Buy a whole bucket of our world famous deep fried chicken and you will get a free musical treat. It's a musical triangle. You can play everything from Bacharach to Beethoven and Bacharach again! Plus, we'll give the kids free ice cream and balloons!

TFC. Because, you'll be convinced of anything.

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