NS: NERD SQUAD!
CUST: My TV won't work.
NS: Is it hooked up to cable?
CUST: No. It's hooked up to an antenna.
NS: Does your antenna work?
CUST: Well? Yes.
NS: Then your TV should work too.
CUST: But I'm getting no TV channels. Just snow.
NS: How long has this been going on?
CUST: Since June 12, 2009.
NS: In that case, you ned to buy new stuff.
CUST: I have to pay for free TV now?
NS: You can buy a new digital TV set or a new digital converter box for your old set.
CUST: I don't want a new TV. My Zenith 82 channel set was fine.
NS: I'm sorry. Your TV is obsolete.
CUST: But it works fine.
NS: Then get a digital converter box.
CUST: Is it free?
CUST: Then it's pay TV in disguise. I won't pay for it.
NS: Then you won't be able to watch TV. Maybe you should get cable.
CUST: How much does it cost?
NS: $20 for basic. $60 for basic with expanded cable. $90 for basic, expanded, and digital cable with a converter box.
CUST: Is that a one time purchase?
NS: No. You have to pay it each month.
CUST: $80 a month again and again? That's a ripoff?
NS: Well, TV costs more money today than it did 50 years ago.
CUST: 50 years ago, we had three channels with better programming.
NS: And what's wrong with today's TV?
CUST: Nothing but junk reality shows, unfunny comedies, boring crime lab shows, brainless dramas, courtroom shows, and showbiz news.
NS: This is the golden age of TV right now.
CUST: Well it sounds like the fecal age of TV because it's nothing but...
NS: (interrupts) So are you better off without the TV?
CUST: No. My wife keeps wanting me for sex, and I never feel like it anymore.
NS: What TV does she like?
CUST: Everything I don't like.
NS: Then get a new digital TV for her so she won't bother you for sex anymore.
CUST: Does it get free TV signals?
NS: Yes, It will pick up the free digital TV signals.
CUST: Does it get hockey?
NS: No. You need cable for that,
CUST: It's no wonder free TV is cheap. All of the good stuff must be on cable TV.
NS: Blame it on Universal, News Corp, Disney, Viacom, Time Warner, CBS Inc., and all of the major sports leagues. They put all of the cheap shows on free TV, and all of the better shows are on cable just so they get you to pay $80 a month.
CUST: Why are the companies running most of the channels?
NS: Because they're strictly commercial and they can.
CUST: Well, they're not getting any of my money. I'm throwing ouyt my old TV and getting Viagra.
NS: How often does your wife want sex?
CUST: Um. Hmm. How much is the digital TV package worth?
Announcer: Worst Buy. Cheaper Than Sex With Your Old Lady.